


Jealous Guy

by ElizabethWilde



Series: Driving Force [7]
Category: X-Men (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, Friendship, Post-Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-11-12
Updated: 2000-11-12
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:39:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethWilde/pseuds/ElizabethWilde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scott tries to adjust to living without Jean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jealous Guy

**Author's Note:**

> The song used is "Jealous Guy" by John Lennon

~I was dreaming of the past  
And my heart was beating fast  
I began to lose control  
I began to lose control~

I wish I could dream about her every night. It's the only time I can still hold Jean, talk to her. When we're awake, I can barely even glance at her. It hurts her to see me, and it kills me not to be with her, so we avoid each other. Mostly, I avoid her. And Logan. 

The funny thing is, Logan has been more polite to me since... He's been almost civil. I mean, he's not starting me a fan club or anything, but I think he feels a little... not guilty, exactly. I think he pities me. He's glad he's not in my shoes. 

Luckily, he avoids me most of the time like I do him. I can't stand all the second-guessing seeing him causes. Is it all that hair? His anti-social personality? The way he watches everyone like they're about to attack him? Or is it even him? Was there something wrong with me? Am I boring? Too controlled? Should I change my hair?

I drive myself half-crazy sometimes wondering what made her leave.

~I was feeling insecure  
You might not love me anymore  
I was shivering inside  
I was shivering inside~

The worst part is that I felt her drawing away after the first time Logan was here. It wasn't anything I could put my finger on. But maybe she didn't smile as much. Maybe I pulled back too. It hurt knowing she'd even found Logan attractive. Even just a little. 

When he was hurt after Rogue drained his powers and Jean spent night and day in the infirmary, it was all I could do to convince myself she was a doctor and he was her patient and it made perfect sense for her to be there. All the time. Alone with him. Professor Xavier noticed my jealousy, of course, and called me on it. "Scott, she loves you, has loved you for years. Trust her."

The day after she left me officially, I was angry. I wanted to burst into the Professor's office and scream and rail, to throw his words back in his face and make him see that I had been right all along. But I didn't. I knew he already felt my pain, that he already felt sorry. If I had taken my anger out on him, I would only have been cutting off one of the few friends I have left.

I already lost my best friend to a man I hate.

~I was trying to catch your eye  
Thought that you was trying to hide  
I was swallowing my pain  
I was swallowing my pain~

"Jean?" She turned around slowly, as if every muscle had to be convinced in turn that it was safe. Her eyes were dark, unreadable, but I could feel her apprehension. "Can we at least talk to each other? It's driving me crazy." I knew I sounded pitiful. I knew I was on the verge of begging.

"Of course. We can talk." I don't know if I've ever heard anyone sound less convinced of anything. 

I stepped closer, then back again when I caught a flash of discomfort from Jean. It was a slap in the face that I couldn't get close to her. "We were always friends, weren't we? Even before we were together." "Were together." Past tense. God. "Can't we be again? Please."

There were tears in her eyes by then, and I could see resignation in her posture. "Of course, Scott. I... I always want us to be friends. I don't like losing you."

That was the first time I really saw how much she hated being away from me. I knew it had hurt her to leave, but it had never occurred to me that she might really miss me. "Then don't." I forced a smile. It hurt to smile. Especially to smile at Jean. I held out my hand. 

She took it briefly, as if it hurt to hold on too long. "Friends."

I almost choked on the word. "Friends."


End file.
